How I Ran My Wedding Business Without A Maternity Leave

I’ll start off by saying, this is simply how I handled my own mini maternity leave — and I stress mini — for my wedding planning business. By no means am I suggesting that you follow exactly in my footsteps.

Truth be told, it was as stressful as it was exciting and I certainly don’t think my experience was best case scenario. I was answering my phone in the maternity ward just a few hours after delivering my speedy baby naturally. Not ideal. 😳

Just sharing my experience here.

Do what feels right for you.

I knew way back in high school that I wanted to follow in my parents’ footsteps and own my own small business. Of course it was many years before I realized this would be as a wedding planner.

I loved that owning my own wedding business would allow for some flexibility as a mother, compared to a typical 9-to-5 job. Having said that, there are definitely pros and cons. Of course, that’s a post for another day. 😉

I’ve blogged previously about preparing my business for babies to arrive, and less stress as a mom boss, but I thought it was high time that I share more about my story as a new mom.

Honestly, way back in 2012 when I launched KJ & Co., I don’t think I really anticipated what new-mom life or a maternity leave would look like.

Here in Canada, moms are entitled to as much as 12 or 18 months off work for a paid maternity leave, with job security. It’s amazing if you qualify. However, this is not something I was eligible for as a self-employed wedding planner, unless I paid in to employment insurance in advance. I opted not to, because I didn’t want to have to continue paying in to the benefits years after maternity leave would be over. The long-term expense for a short term gain wasn’t worth it.

As my wedding planning business grew quickly and my schedule filled up, it became a source of stress that my calendar was spoken for so far in advance. I felt a huge obligation to my wedding planning clients to be a part of their event and see it through. They had trusted me and me alone to be there for their big day.

PREGNANCY & BABIES ARE UNPREDICTABLE

Though we had tried to schedule starting our family around wedding season, I realized I couldn’t plan getting pregnant as easily as a three-course dinner reception. After two devastating miscarriages and infertility struggles, I found myself pregnant with my daughter. Finally!

She was due to arrive in June 2016, at the beginning of wedding season. As a matter of fact, her due date was three days after my biggest booking of the year; an important annual corporate gala. EEK!

I knew that pausing my business for a year or more was not an option. I had a ton of commitments on the calendar, and I really didn’t want to lose the momentum I had grown for my small but mighty wedding business.

First things first, I stopped booking any more events so that my workload would be lighter once the baby arrived.

I have zero regrets about all the work I turned down.

I waited until I was safely in my second trimester before I communicated the good news to my existing clients and assured them that their weddings would run smoothly one way or the other.

I had been preparing my business for our family to start for years already, including boosting my savings. You can read more about that right here.

I also had a handful of freelancers who I trusted whole-heartedly to step in and coordinate weddings and events in case I couldn’t be there. This included my mom (with 25 years experience in the event industry) handling my large corporate event the day after Hannah was born. That’s right. Though I had planned to be there, 9 months pregnant and with a team of helpful ladies to do all my bidding, Hannah had other plans and arrived a few days early.

Luckily, I had contingency plans in place for all of this and I had communicated well in advance with clients about how their events would be staffed.

I vividly remember bouncing on an exercise ball at 3am in my home office, while I was experiencing early labour contractions.

I honestly can’t believe how calm I was as I emailed my client to let her know I was having the baby and that everyone else was stepping in to handle things. Plan B in effect!

While I trusted my team, it was also incredibly difficult to unplug completely and not worry about all the work I had done over the last year preparing for that event.

Case in point: as I sat in my hospital bed with a super fresh newborn beside me, I answered my phone to let the furniture rental company know I wouldn’t be onsite and direct them to my event coordinator. I also texted from the hospital the next day, begging my vendor friends and assistants to send pictures of how everything had come together.

TAKE AS MUCH TIME OFF AS YOU CAN

I repeat: please, take as much time off as you can.

I strongly recommend that you unplug for as long as possible, to recover, to enjoy your new baby and get the hang of motherhood.

One of the smartest things I did was turn email notifications off on my phone and iPad.

I remember one day shortly after my husband went back to work, I was in the middle of changing a diaper when my phone dinged, and then my iPad sounded off as well. I immediately started to stress sweat. I was panicked about what the email could say and which client was in desperate need of attention. But in reality, nothing was that urgent.

I’m a wedding planner, not an oncologist. I turned email notifications off and four and a half years later, they’re still off. This means email gets my attention when it’s time to work, rather than stressing me out when it’s time to be mom.

Because I’ve always been a solopreneur, there wasn’t anyone else to step in and completely take over my wedding planning business and offer me a “typical” maternity leave. While I was able to slow things down for about two weeks, I didn’t see an an option that would allow someone else to handle the day to day operations of my wedding business.

I had planned in advance for a highly qualified planner friend to handle the first two weddings after my daughter was born. One in June, and one in July. She was able to take over the files and essentially act as Month-Of Coordinator. Although, this did call for me to pack up some of the decor rental pieces from my own inventory that they would need, and do some of the final invoicing.

I won’t sugarcoat it:

My first month of motherhood was tough.

I was exhausted and scared.

Hannah was losing weight rather than gaining it. I felt incredibly guilty because I attributed this to an anticipated lack of milk. It took three weeks to diagnose Hannah’s tongue tie that was also a part of the issue.

Not having to go to meetings or work events right away was a blessing. Waiting on naptime to get work done wasn’t really an option with fresh newborn who just wanted to eat all the time. I would wear Hannah in a baby-carrier at my desk while she snoozed. When she was big enough, she could sit in a bouncer beside me as well. Only for an hour at a time usually. That was enough at the beginning.

I also relied on a bit of babysitting from two very excited and newly retired grandmothers to get work done as the weeks progressed.

I felt a little bit less guilty being able to focus on my work, while Hannah was with family. Even if it was as simple as my mom taking her for a walk in the stroller, so that I could answer a few emails and take a shower with out hearing a crying baby to distract me or make me feel guilty.

FED IS BEST. TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF

If you’re nursing, that’s going to have a big effect on your time and ability to work, both from home and away.

Do what is right for you, mama.

I recognize that my scenario is different from many.

Hannah was supplemented with formula once her tongue tie was diagnosed, and my milk supply was so low that pumping was never successful. In that regard, I was relieved not to have to worry about leaving her for hours at a time. She would eat just fine without me.

Hannah was less than three months old when I was back on-site as wedding planner. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. It was a Full Planning client and I really didn’t want to let them down.

In my case, I didn’t have to step away from the wedding to pump milk in a bathroom stall or the car, like so many other wedding pro friends have. My hat’s off to you guys. Big time!

That said, I did have my husband bring her to that first wedding so I could nurse her once in the evening around our usual schedule. Let me tell you, I ran across that parking lot towards the car like I was a war veteran returning home. I was so excited to see her after so many hours apart.

The wedding was beautiful and the day was a huge success. It was nice to be out and about with makeup on and a dress. But there was absolutely part of me who wanted to be home with my baby.

CHILDCARE & WORKBLOCKS

Because I wasn’t responsible to get back to a traditional office fulltime, five days a week, we didn’t look in to daycare right away. As I mentioned, we were very lucky that both grandmothers were excited to help and so generous with their time. We started a schedule where Hannah was babysat once a week, then twice a week, and so on.

Typically each increase in the schedule came as a result of me feeling stressed and clearly needing more baby-free time to get work done. Honestly, I don’t remember taking very many days completely “off” in that first year.

I’m still figuring out the balance.

In my case, I was able to work two, and then three, and then four days a week. Hannah and I could wake up and take our time together to start the day together before I began work, and Omie or Nana arrived to help or pick her up.

I tried very hard to stick to working in my dedicated work blocks, which slowly expanded as we increased babysitting with grandmas.

Having a very clear schedule of work blocks helped ease some of the anxiety of feeling like there was never enough time. At least I always knew when I would get that next chance at the computer. Even if it wasn’t until after her bedtime or until the next day.

As Hannah got older, on the days she was home with me, I would wait until naptime. And there were definitely emails that got responded to on my phone while I was nap-trapped in her nursery chair.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask your partner for what you need. I had the support of my husband who is a hands-on dad and helpful at home. He would often take the Friday off when I had a wedding weekend, so that I could prep or be on-site, and he got to spend more quality time with Hannah.

MY TINY ASSISTANT

One of the things I remember so happily about my childhood is when I got to tag along on work errands with my mom. When I was little, my mom could bring me along to shop and source for her interior design clients and visit her suppliers. I was no stranger to the paint store, drapery seamstress, or showrooms.

Once I got more comfortable with Hannah’s schedule and she needed to eat and sleep less often, we became mobile. Personally, I wasn’t comfortable having her along at meetings, but she could join me on work errands to pick up ribbon at the wholesaler, or ride along to collect and return decor rentals. She definitely joined in at the occasional lunch date with close business buddies.

I found myself back at that annual corporate gala on her first birthday, and she and my husband popped by quickly to drop off some decor items I had forgotten at home. Beyond that, I prefer not to have her “on-site”. I find it very distracting and anxiety-inducing to be “on” as boss and mom at the same time, so Hannah never joined for meetings or photo shoots either. Having said that, it was easier for me to split my time because Hannah wasn’t exclusively breastfed.

Of course, that’s up to you and where you feel the lines are personally and professionally. Do what feels comfortable for you.

WHAT I WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY

Not entirely sure what I would do differently, to be honest with you.

Maybe take a few less events to allow myself more time to recover, relax, and ease in to life as a mama.

I definitely should have gotten outside more. I’m an indoor cat.

Parenting is the hardest, weirdest, best thing—ever.

I remember stressful days figuring out major email issues with a baby strapped to me. But also celebrating the end of wedding season with brunch and my little buddy along for the ride. I knew the off-season would be a welcome change of pace.

I remember crying in my car while I drove to meetings and events, wishing that I was home with my cuddly baby. And also all the quality time we got to have, that her dad didn’t, because he was off to the office every day.

I remember showing up at meetings, only to notice spit up on my coat. And the fun of dressing up as twins with my BFF for life.

I tried to have a sense of humor about it all. Motherhood is never perfect.

I struggled regularly with a feeling of unfairness. That as my own boss, I was back at work so soon, while my friends enjoyed a year off with their kiddos. But, everyone’s experience is their own. I did choose this. And after that first year, I still get to enjoy slow mornings with Hannah, random weekdays off, or unplugging early just because. Or, you know, the ability to adjust my schedule as much as possible to supervise virtual kindergarten in a global pandemic.

And that is my why. That flexibility.

Even if it comes with some headaches and tears once in a while.

Phew! That was a long one. Thanks so much for reading and letting me share. If you want to connect more about life as a #momboss in the wedding industry, please shoot me a DM over on Instagram.

I’d love to help you design your dream wedding business in a way that fits your lifestyle too.

Get more information about working with me right here.